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To my DH (Darling Husband) Steve –

UON (Unless Otherwise Noted), I would like our household to be declared a AFZ (Acronym Free Zone).

While I confess that I am guilty of a little bit of LOL, TTYL and even a little BS, I am annoyed to be married to a man who now is using his newly acquired Military shorthand on me before breakfast. Today when you used your new personal favorite — FYSA (For Your Situational Awareness), I found it less than Diplomatic for you to pointedly articulate that it “clearly” does not mean the same thing as FYI. Clearly?

Nothing is ever “clear” to me first thing in the morning, with not all synapses firing until after some IV espresso, or at the very least a triple-venti latte. Admittedly, I am very lucky to be married to a man like you who is kind enough to bring me a hot Starbucks latte every day to start my day. The fact, however, has not been lost on me that you recently discovered Baristas Tampa — which I now know is a drive-through espresso experience comprised of a brigade of scantily dressed women (not surprising with Tampa being the strip club capital) serving up (also admittedly) fantastic espresso drinks. Let’s suffice to say that I am less than amused with my coffee showing up lately in a delayed fashion and a bit luke warm. This along with your admission that you were tormented between which jar to leave a $10 tip (naughty sailor, school-girl or pirate wench) is going to land you in the DH (Dog House).

How will I ever navigate through our morning conversations if you nonchalantly reply, “BLUF, FYSA, the dress code is equivalent BDU“, in response to my question regarding appropriate attire for an evening event that we both might be attending? WTF??????

As a designer living in my right-brained world, I typically have a hard enough time challenging you in Scrabble against your left-brain brilliance. Please note that “Acronyms with Friends” does not exist!!  I am a competitive girl as you know, so while I should be prepared to go to battle here, I find myself feeling out-ranked trying to compete with your new Military shorthand vocab which exceeds 27,000 entries in the official manual. My arsenal of about 600 architectural related acronyms related to my work-world puts me at a great disadvantage. Furthermore, confusing my CAD (Computer-Aided Design) with your (Cartridge Activated Device), or FFE (Furniture, Fixtures & Equipment vs. Fire For Effect) could be deadly!

I still don’t know what to wear to the event in question, even though I am now “Situationally Aware” that Bottom Line Up Front I need to coordinate my attire with Battle Dress Uniform! What I do know is that you better cut this nonsense out of our morning routine or you will wind up alone in a SPUDSingle Person Urban Dwelling!

BTWTHX 4 acquiring a box of Alpha-bits cereal so that I could take a photo for this post. Made me feel like a kid again. FYSA – I was NIFOC while you were out getting my latte. Remember that the “Diplomat’s Wife” costume is way better than anything those Barista girls can dream up.

I ♥ U,